Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date
By Gail Nickel-Kailing on October 14th, 2009
Breaking news!
NEW YORK—According to a report published this week in American Journalism Review, 93 percent of all newspaper sales can now be attributed to kidnappers seeking to prove the day’s date in filmed ransom demands.
“Although the vast majority of Americans now get their news from the Internet or television, a small but loyal criminal element still purchases newspapers at a steady rate,” study author and Columbia journalism professor Linus Ridell said. “The sober authority of the printed word continues to hold value for those attempting to extort large sums of money from wealthy people who wish to see their loved ones alive again, and not chopped into pieces and left in steamer trunks on their doorsteps.”
“These are sick, sick individuals,” Ridell added. “God bless them for saving our industry.”
Read the entire article from The Onion.
Dark humor in dark times…
(Thanks to Nani Paape for the head’s up! @naniprints on Twitter)
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10 Responses to “Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date”
By David on Oct 14, 2009 | Reply
I have to say that in my search for industry news that I find this article very disturbing. I would say Print CEO normally shares information that is relative to the publishing/print industry. This type of humor is best kept to personal e-mails highlighting interesting things found on the internet from one individual to another.
By RAPHAEL on Oct 14, 2009 | Reply
ITS ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE GETS KIDNAPPED
By Ben on Oct 15, 2009 | Reply
Lighten up David! This is definitely relevant to the industry! If you can’t joke about our sad state, you’re already doomed!
By Louis on Oct 15, 2009 | Reply
It was generally funny, but a bit graphic in places. My favorite line was the photo caption: “A resourceful captor pieces together a ransom note after finishing the Style section.”
By Heime Schwartzbaum on Oct 15, 2009 | Reply
It’s from the Onion- so of course it’s a joke. Sorry that some people have no sense of humor!
By Todd Bernhard on Oct 19, 2009 | Reply
I loved it!
The best April Fools jokes are perpetrated far away from April 1st!
By Rodney Highsmith on Oct 19, 2009 | Reply
Thanks, after a wretched morning like this, I needed a good laugh. They closed the print shop at my local newspaper.
By Sonia on Oct 21, 2009 | Reply
Great article, I laughed out loud, but what about us parrot owners? We’re doing our part to keep the newspaper industry alive too — we always need something for the bottom of the cage!
By Harvey on Oct 21, 2009 | Reply
Stop making fun of newspapers. How else will I be able to train my puppy or keep my Cockatoo’s cage clean.
By Brian Regan on Oct 21, 2009 | Reply
Being that Winter is here, I have a strong love of the Boston Sunday Globe a cup of coffee and later that day a fire started in the fireplace with the remains of the paper.